I’m going to do something that I’ve never done before, review a single song and its corresponding music video. Youtube singing (and cleavage model) sensation Andie Case just released her new single Bubblegum And Cigarettes, and the result in just amazing. Sorry I meant appalling. But rather than just give you a blanket statement and not provide evidence, I’m going to go through a step-by-step analysis regarding why this song and music video could be contenders for this year’s best Guantanamo Bay torture method.
Let me start off by giving one obvious fact and an even more obvious fact. This song is about sex, that’s not up for debate, and when you watch the music video it becomes even more obvious (it has a blow-up doll in the fucking video). And the even more obvious statement is that I don’t mind songs about sex. Shocking isn’t it? A straight white male likes references to sex, someone get me one of the many douchebags at TMZ! So it seems like I should have no issues with this song topic then, right? Fucking left! I enjoy songs that use clever metaphors or wordplay alluding to sex, none of which can be found in this song. Some of the genius double entendres that can be found in the lyrics include:
“It’s like he’s all my favourite flavours, when I want it now and later”
“He’s sweet and sour, goes down on me for hours”
“Bubblegum bubblegum, pop, pop, pop. Good or bad he hits the spot”
I felt dirty just typing that…
Next let’s address the weird Frankenstein’s monster (the horror culture nerds will be pleased with that distinction) that is the combination of bubblegum and cigarettes. In what universe are bubblegum ice cream, which is what she’s talking about evident by the use of phrases such as “Not a single lick that I regret” and “Give me that cherry on top”, and cigarettes a good combination? One is a delightful treat (and not at all juvenile, despite what those mean 7th graders who like to hang out near the ice cream store tell me) while the other is a disgusting thing that is literally capable of creating a people-free zone around anyone who partakes in it. I get it, some combinations are meant to be paradoxical like sweet and sour (not so coincidentally used in the song). And while you’re not wrong about that, you are wrong if you think I’ll let that flimsy excuse fly. So let’s overanalyze this, because what else are you expecting from me? What Andie is telling us is that she loves her guy who is sweet and adorable and delicious, but also has this other side where he is gross and harmful. On second thought, I see no issue with this.
But that’s enough about the song, let’s talk quickly about the music video. My main issue with it is that it lacks any conceivable signs of a plot and tries to cover this by showing non-stop HBO levels of hypersexuality. Again, not that I’m complaining (although in this case I guess I am). It’s boobs, butts, abs, blow-up dolls, and unfortunately no talent as far as the eye can see.
This song should be banned in most countries, and not even due to the blatant sexuality but rather the blatantly poor quality of this song (if you can even call it that). I give this song and video 1.5 out of 5 packs of bubblegum and cigarettes, and the 1 is for the mass amounts of partial nudity. Don’t believe me? Watch the video below!